Thanks to all of you who have requested an audio version of my bestselling book A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness!

Now you can listen while you drive, walk, clean, relax or even tune out others around you.

Cost is $24.99

Shipping is FREE!

Share

People-watching, celebrity-spotting acceptable pastime in airports

So, what do YOU think? Is people-watching OK at the airport?

Share

Now, please hear me say that, in my practice, it happens that both women and men come in and say this. But, to make matters easier (using “he/she” can get tedious), I will just use an example of the wife coming in.

The first thing I say is “Before you make any final decisions about your marriage, let’s take some time to focus on you. My bet is that you are pretty stressed out right now and not as happy as you would like to be. Is that a safe guess?”  I say this because if I try to convince her that she may not, in fact, need to get a divorce, her stress and frustration will not allow her to agree. But, without a doubt, she can agree that she is not happy at that moment.

Of course, she is resolute that her discontent is caused by her husband. But we also put that blame on the back burner.

So, after we agree to put the marriage topic on hold and focus on her own happiness, things really start to change.

Why? Because an unhappy person is more likely to have an unhappy marriage.

I don’t know about you, but when I am overly stressed or upset about something that has nothing to do with my marriage, I am not the best wife. I might be a little short tempered with my husband (OK, or a lot short-tempered). I might interpret what he says or does in a negative (and unrealistic) way.  I might overly react to something that was meant to be supportive, but I took it as an insult.  Can you relate?

The same thing also happens with my clients.

Take Lori, as an example. Lori was stressed out at work. She experience immense guilt as a working mom. Her confidence was not very strong, and she was exhausted (mentally and physically).

When Lori first came to see me, she wanted OUT of her marriage. She viewed her husband, Bob, as unsupportive and selfish.

Rather than try to get Bob to come into sessions, I focused on helping Lori feel happier.

As I have said a gazillion times before in this blog (and on the Today Show, my TEDx talk and about 100 other public venues), happiness is a skill. When you learn the right skills and practice them, you cannot help but be happier.  And this happens regardless of what is going on in your life, your marriage, your work, your body, your world.

During our sessions together, Lori learned and practiced the skills of happiness. She learned more effective ways to cope with her stress, release her guilt, believe in herself and enjoy her life.

And, guess what else happened?

Lori started enjoying her marriage again.

Where she used to see Bob as unhelpful and even hurtful, she now saw that he was, in fact, trying the best he could. She did not personalize his own stressful times. She no longer relied on him to say something to boost her confidence in order to feel good about herself. She was able to openly communicate with Bob about her needs and desires, as well as his. She viewed her husband as a team member rather than a rival.

All because she, herself, was happier.

So, go ahead. Follow The Happiness Prescription. Be an even happier you. And enjoy how your marriage blossoms!

Share

Share

Share

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

How do YOU deal with awkward situations around the holidays?

Share

What you eat is affected by the color of your plate. An interesting article in the WSJ reviewed two recent studies that showed the affect of colors on how much we serve ourselves at a meal.

For those of you who like the bottom line, this is what they found.

If the color of the food was similar to the color of the plate, people tended to serve themselves more. Translation: more turkey and mashed potatoes on a white plate as compared to a pasta and marinara (OK, now I’m hungry!)

But things changed when there was a contrast in color between the plate and the tablecloth. Specifically, if the plate was, for example, white and the tablecloth was black, then people served themselves more- about 10% larger portions.

So what is the take home, especially around the holidays?

1. Use smaller plates: although it was not studied here, lots of other research shows this results in less consumption
2. Contrast your food and your plate: perhaps a blue plate would be helpful (unless you are planning on eating blue food)
3. Keep your plates a similar color as your tablecloth, placements or even table

And, of course, eat mindfully so that you enjoy each morsel you consume.

Want more info? Watch this video on how to reduce stress related to your weight over the holidays.

And let us know how it works for you!

Share

• “He always comes home late.”
• “She’s always nagging me.”
• “He won’t support me in front of the kids.”
• “She’s always too stressed out.”

One of the first things I recommend couples do is change their focus. Rather than concentrate on what they do not like in their spouse, identify things they DO like.

Consider that every person, situation, thing has some good and some not-so-good. What is important to remember is that what you focus on only gets bigger. If you focus on an annoying habit, it will make you more and more annoyed, for example. Fortunately, the same is true about the good stuff.

And one of the best ways to do that is to write out a gratitude journal. When working with couples, this entails having each partner write down one thing they appreciate in the other person every day for one week.

Why does this work?

The writer: For the person documenting what their partner did that they appreciate, there is a mental shift.  Having perfected the art of identifying what their partner has done that does not please them, now they are focusing on the opposite: what is it that my partner is doing that IS pleasing me? Even just asking that question will cause a cognitive shift because your brain is now scanning what you see to find the good. And, low and behold, there actually IS a lot of great stuff your partner is doing.  This allows you to feel more grateful and greater happiness.

The partner: Reinforcement is a much more powerful than punishment on future behavior.  Think about it: is someone else appreciating what you did right or complaining about what you do wrong going to affect you more? Research shows time and time again it is the rewarding behavior that is more motivating.

So, getting to hear what your partner appreciates in you increases your desire to do it again. It also helps you feel good (appreciated and happier), which increases the likelihood that your interactions with your partner will be better.

Practice gratitude and enjoy the benefits to your marriage!

Share

Gonna Jump? Take a Parachute!

Dave is a businessman and humanitarian whose service to others is amazing. When you meet Dave, you just want to hug him (he is one of those people).

I met Dave during a rough time. His 40-year career in commercial real estate was coming to an end. Most people probably would have felt depressed and helpless. But not Dave. Despite his fears, he maintained his faith and persevered. The result is a life of much gratitude and (after just checking on Amazon.com), a bestselling book.

The subtitle of Gonna Jump? Take a Parachute! is

Harnessing your Power of Choice

The book really centers on how to create the best life you can, regardless of what is going on.

He distinguished between separate “cords” (of the parachute) and discusses:

1. The Spiritual Cord
2. The Mental Fitness and Function Cord
3. The Physical Fitness Cord
4. The Vital Health Cord
5. The Emotional Well-Being Cord
6. The Relationships Cord
7. The Financial Independence Cord
8. The Fun Cord!

Order Dave’s book- you will enjoy the read. And of you buy it today (Monday November 21, 2011) and email your receipt to Dave at  RethinkAge.com you’ll get some cool bonuses.

Read Gonna Jump? Take a Parachute! and be an even happier you!

Share

Share